Roberta Macdonald

What are my “drains“?  You know what they are and you know who drains you.  You can feel the draining effect and it happens every day…if we allow them in our lives.  We need to set up “roadblocks” or good boundaries so that life doesn’t drag us down.

Here are some examples of common drains:  a negative attitude, those who are “gloom and doomers”(”it will never work”}, petty/frivolous chatter, interruptions, long tedious hours, traffic, overwhelm and pressure, deadlines, an unhappy relationship, clutter, disorganization, indecision, arguing, electronic/computer problems, etc.

Now that “drains” have been identified in your life, replace them..whenever you can…with an “energizer“.  In fact, fill your days with energizers whenever you can. Your awareness of what you want will help you do this.  Here are your energizing replacements:

laughter, more laughter…find humor in life without making fun of people…loving people instead of hating them or being indifferent to them, “drink in” fresh air, take slow deep breaths when you are stressed, a  good night sleep, good homemade food, soft music, good friends, nice surprises, gardening, early morning silence with your coffee or tea, exercise, meditation and (last but not least) a vacation.

The secret is in your awareness of when the drains have crept into your life and what energizer you choose to have instead of the drain.

Roberta Macdonald

(1) Stress may be all around you: coming from our TV, our job, commuting on the busy freeways, computer problems, sick family member, an angry neighbor, stressful phone calls,  too much technology and electronic imput into our nervous system, etc.  We choose everyday if we want to bring these stressors into our Mind/body.  Our Mind is very capable of shutting “the door” (a conscious decision to filter out the stress of negative stimuli), it just needs to be trained and practiced.  The body does what the Mind dictates. (Mind: “I am relaxed and feel free of stress in this moment”. Body: “Okay”.  Mind: “I am depressed”. Body: “Okay”.)

(2) We often “unintentionally set up” our stress whenever we are running late, when we forget to make an important phone call, when we worry, when we find that we haven’t adequately prepared for a meeting.  I find that there is much stress in relationships when there is a lack of communication (meeting time, place detail not clear or not discussed).  A big “setup” is when we need sleep, food, feel overwhelmed, or are off balance with work/home/social, etc.  We tend to do these stressful things to ourselves over and over and often blame others when we are unconsciously setting ourselves up to be stressed. We need to give ourselves time, at the start of each day or at night in preparing for the next day, to have a plan and to think of important details that we may not remember or think of when we are stressed.  Remember, our Mind  does not function well when it has Blocked Energy (fearful), Scattered Energy (stressed, confused, overwhelmed) or Negative Energy (irritated, frustrated, resentful, bitter, angry).  It only functions well when it has Positive Energy, is at peace and feels good (even if it is in the moment).

(3) Our Mind (subconscious) loves to create and remembers everything we have ever seen, heard, and experienced.  It loves to imagine and focus on what is real and important.  A stressful Mind can’t do any of these as it is too wrapped up in problems:  problems are like thick rope, wrapped all around you–tying you up and creating a helpless, hopeless view of life–you and your problems are, reluctantly, one.  However, our Mind wants to resolve these problems – - not get wrapped up in them.  Our Mind is creative and imaginative and wise if we will allow it to be free of the problems in order to cope and deal with them in a healthy way.  Our Mind wants freedom and resolution.  In order for this to happen, we need to step back and be the “observer”.  When we learn how to put stressors (problems) outside of ourselves instead of taking them in and making them all about us, we are able to think and act in a clear, less reactive, less stressful manner.  We are teaching ourselves how to be less stressed–even in stressful situations. “The person who is the least anxious has the most influence in any situation”. (Edwin Friedman)  Make a decision to learn, practice, and have a less stressful Mind/body for 2010 and for the rest of your life..and may it be a long, fulfilling one!

Roberta Macdonald

I don’t stress much at buying gifts anymore.   I really only buy four but I would like to buy gifts all year long and give them–anytime–like a random thing.  I enjoy getting gifts but I realized the best part of the Christmas giving is:

     (1) saving for the purchase–I may have to put some money aside. (2) buying the gift–finding what I like and what I think others would like. (3) wrapping the gift and writing something special on the card. (4) giving the gift and watching the expression of joy and surprise.

To me, these are the 4 Joys I get.  My question is:  When we focus on what we want for ourselves (for Christmas, birthday) we miss these 4 Joys.

Let’s teach each other not to expect so much from others and give more of ourselves.  Let’s work on more random giving and more appreciation when we are the receiver of a gift.

So, what did you get for Christmas?  A lot of joy and some nice surprises—I hope.

Christmas Eve and the Christmas dinner may be “tests” on our patience and on our acceptance of those sitting around the table.  We may love them but we may not like them very well and they can tell because we show it. It may be our tone of voice or the “edge” in our voice.  We may be remembering past hurts and unresolved issues that we…and others…bring to the table. Our families are irritating, wonderful, obnoxious, and interesting. However, our family members are real and deserving of one day of peace around the Christmas dinner.  You can give that to them by choosing…for one day…to remember the fun, funny and enjoyable moments of the past–not the bad memories.  Focus on what you like about “Aunt Martha”–for one day–be   in the present–not in the past–at least for one day.  When you respond in a more positive way you will get a different (and better) response.   Let go. Let it be. Enjoy–and let the healing begin!

(1)  Let go of the control of others but be 100% in charge of yourself.

(2) Lower your voice – speak softly but not in a whisper.  Let your breath be even when you talk.

(3) Breathe slowly and deeply, inhale through your nose and out your mouth until the old breath is “replaced” with new.

(4) Close your eyes and “look” for a color.  The color you see will be an indicator of your stress level:  Black: very stressed; Green: at peace; Blue: feel loved.

(5)When you are upset/stressed/angry you need to be alone.  Step away, step out of the problem.  Choose to disentangle.  Let go of being “right”. Be alone to let go of the emotional “electric charge” and return when you are clamer. “Rule of the Universe (should be):  When I am angry, I am alone”.

(6)  Slow, deep breathing is like a safe “Valium” to your body/mind.  Your nervous system will respond when trained.  Your mind needs to be trained first.  When stressed, angry or upset:  train your mind to go to a peaceful place and take 30 slow, deep breaths.  You will be asleep before the 30th as your mind becomes a good student.

(7) When stressed, write down who and what is the stressor and “brain storm” answers.  Put as many “answers” as you can – randomly- no sentences–just words all over the page.

(8)  When stressed, begin to train your mind to let go of thoughts.  Say a nonsensical word like: “so-hum” or any two syllable word that has no meaning.    Breathe in and think “so” and breathe out and think “hum“.  This is a mind-clearing technique that works if you use it.

(9) Worry is a bad habit, a waste of time as most worries don’t materialize.  It is a negative use of your imagination.  Worry is negative prayer –a lack of faith in the Universe, God, Higher Power –whatever you believe–. It is a very fatalistic view of yourself and Life.  If you focus on what you worry about you will, unconsciously, draw the worry to you (to be resolved).

(10) Each day give yourself at least ten –10 minute “little joyful moments” as I call them.  Little things that make you smile.  It doesn’t have to be big–making your granddaughter laugh, giving someone a piece of your homemade pie, going  to your favorite place and meeting a friend, talking with a friend, reading a good book, etc.  Just do it!

Happy Holidays!  Roberta

We need stress help that we can use every day with  little stressors and those unexpected big ones.  We shouldn’t wait until we are overwhelmed and ready to explode.  The “Excuse Me, You Seem to Be Stressed” Stress Management Workshop will be held on Tuesday, November 17 from 6:30-9:30 pm at Bellevue College, North Campus, Room W266.  The cost is $49.

Some of the benefits of attending this workshop are:

*  Be able to handle stress without internalizing it

* Learn new ways to solve old problems that cause stress

* Find release from the clutter, chaos and conflicts

* Be uplifted from the positive energy environment

* Enjoyable and meaningful interactions

* Support from like-minded people wanting change

* Inspiring and motivating information and tools

Hope you can join me on Tuesday,  November 17th.  I will be your Instructor/Facilitator.

Roberta

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