Roberta Macdonald

Anyone over 40 knows what a vacation is…remember when we were a kid and we went to the ocean, or Disney Land, or camping, or the mountains….remember?  Now, those were vacations !  What is a vacation now?  It is probably two hurried  and last minute put-together days with very little comfort and/or time to de-stress from the job or career and home pressures.

When the kids are out of school and on THEIR vacation…it is no vacation for us! A better summer plan is needed for the sake of everyone !

How do we do it when:  (1)  there isn’t much money for a vacation (2) there is very little time as everyone’s schedule is different (3) no one can agree on anything.

JUST DO IT !  and join a supportive group who will encourage and support you in making your summer a good one.*

* an unabashed plug for our girls’ group:

“Girls, We Can Do This..Together” (see home page of my website)

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In order to deal with pain, chronic health issues, depression, anxiety or whatever the negative in your life, you will need to change your belief that these will always be a part of your life.  We may not want to hear “change your thoughts and you will change your life” but, since it is true that our minds are very powerful, we must  take seriously the need to spend the rest of our lives living and believing that our powerful mind is in charge.

Your body is stressed because your mind is stressed.  Your body does only what it is told…by your mind.  When your mind is focused on the stress, then your body has to follow the dictates of the mind.  Your body is not in charge–your mind is.  The subconsious part of the mind really has the control switch.  What we think, say and do is very important because the body will just go along.

We live in stressful environments–at work, home and in our society, but we can thrive and be well-adjusted if we know how to cope and deal with these stressors.  Our mind can be taught how to be in control of these stressors.  How important is our mind in the healing of our body?  On a scale of 1 to 10 –it is a 10!

PS:  Our mind is not our brain–our mind is in every cell of our body !   (More to come on this controversial subject)

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What are my “drains“?  You know what they are and you know who drains you.  You can feel the draining effect and it happens every day…if we allow them in our lives.  We need to set up “roadblocks” or good boundaries so that life doesn’t drag us down.

Here are some examples of common drains:  a negative attitude, those who are “gloom and doomers”(“it will never work”}, petty/frivolous chatter, interruptions, long tedious hours, traffic, overwhelm and pressure, deadlines, an unhappy relationship, clutter, disorganization, indecision, arguing, electronic/computer problems, etc.

Now that “drains” have been identified in your life, replace them..whenever you can…with an “energizer“.  In fact, fill your days with energizers whenever you can. Your awareness of what you want will help you do this.  Here are your energizing replacements:

laughter, more laughter…find humor in life without making fun of people…loving people instead of hating them or being indifferent to them, “drink in” fresh air, take slow deep breaths when you are stressed, a  good night sleep, good homemade food, soft music, good friends, nice surprises, gardening, early morning silence with your coffee or tea, exercise, meditation and (last but not least) a vacation.

The secret is in your awareness of when the drains have crept into your life and what energizer you choose to have instead of the drain.

Roberta Macdonald

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I don’t stress much at buying gifts anymore.   I really only buy four but I would like to buy gifts all year long and give them–anytime–like a random thing.  I enjoy getting gifts but I realized the best part of the Christmas giving is:

     (1) saving for the purchase–I may have to put some money aside. (2) buying the gift–finding what I like and what I think others would like. (3) wrapping the gift and writing something special on the card. (4) giving the gift and watching the expression of joy and surprise.

To me, these are the 4 Joys I get.  My question is:  When we focus on what we want for ourselves (for Christmas, birthday) we miss these 4 Joys.

Let’s teach each other not to expect so much from others and give more of ourselves.  Let’s work on more random giving and more appreciation when we are the receiver of a gift.

So, what did you get for Christmas?  A lot of joy and some nice surprises—I hope.

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Christmas Eve and the Christmas dinner may be “tests” on our patience and on our acceptance of those sitting around the table.  We may love them but we may not like them very well and they can tell because we show it. It may be our tone of voice or the “edge” in our voice.  We may be remembering past hurts and unresolved issues that we…and others…bring to the table. Our families are irritating, wonderful, obnoxious, and interesting. However, our family members are real and deserving of one day of peace around the Christmas dinner.  You can give that to them by choosing…for one day…to remember the fun, funny and enjoyable moments of the past–not the bad memories.  Focus on what you like about “Aunt Martha”–for one day–be   in the present–not in the past–at least for one day.  When you respond in a more positive way you will get a different (and better) response.   Let go. Let it be. Enjoy–and let the healing begin!

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(1)  Let go of the control of others but be 100% in charge of yourself.

(2) Lower your voice – speak softly but not in a whisper.  Let your breath be even when you talk.

(3) Breathe slowly and deeply, inhale through your nose and out your mouth until the old breath is “replaced” with new.

(4) Close your eyes and “look” for a color.  The color you see will be an indicator of your stress level:  Black: very stressed; Green: at peace; Blue: feel loved.

(5)When you are upset/stressed/angry you need to be alone.  Step away, step out of the problem.  Choose to disentangle.  Let go of being “right”. Be alone to let go of the emotional “electric charge” and return when you are clamer. “Rule of the Universe (should be):  When I am angry, I am alone”.

(6)  Slow, deep breathing is like a safe “Valium” to your body/mind.  Your nervous system will respond when trained.  Your mind needs to be trained first.  When stressed, angry or upset:  train your mind to go to a peaceful place and take 30 slow, deep breaths.  You will be asleep before the 30th as your mind becomes a good student.

(7) When stressed, write down who and what is the stressor and “brain storm” answers.  Put as many “answers” as you can – randomly- no sentences–just words all over the page.

(8)  When stressed, begin to train your mind to let go of thoughts.  Say a nonsensical word like: “so-hum” or any two syllable word that has no meaning.    Breathe in and think “so” and breathe out and think “hum“.  This is a mind-clearing technique that works if you use it.

(9) Worry is a bad habit, a waste of time as most worries don’t materialize.  It is a negative use of your imagination.  Worry is negative prayer –a lack of faith in the Universe, God, Higher Power –whatever you believe–. It is a very fatalistic view of yourself and Life.  If you focus on what you worry about you will, unconsciously, draw the worry to you (to be resolved).

(10) Each day give yourself at least ten –10 minute “little joyful moments” as I call them.  Little things that make you smile.  It doesn’t have to be big–making your granddaughter laugh, giving someone a piece of your homemade pie, going  to your favorite place and meeting a friend, talking with a friend, reading a good book, etc.  Just do it!

Happy Holidays!  Roberta

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