When the kids are out of school and on THEIR vacation…it is no vacation for us! A better summer plan is needed for the sake of everyone !

How do we do it when:  (1)  there isn’t much money for a vacation (2) there is very little time as everyone’s schedule is different (3) no one can agree on anything.

JUST DO IT !  and join a supportive group who will encourage and support you in making your summer a good one.*

* an unabashed plug for our girls’ group:

“Girls, We Can Do This..Together” (see home page of my website)

     Am I stressed?                                                   YES                  NO

     Do I worry too much?                                    YES                  NO

     Do I have trouble sleeping?                         YES                   NO

     Do I take things too personally?               YES                    NO

     Do I want more time for me and less time helping everyone else? 

                                                                                     YES                    NO

     Do I need to learn how to say “no”?         YES                    NO

     Do I want more of a social life?                 YES                     NO

     Do I get upset at little things?                   YES                     NO

     Do I want to be more clear about my direction and goals?  

                                                                                  YES                      NO

If you answered YES on 4 or more you need to join our “Girls, We Can Do This- Together”  Summer Support Group.*  We will meet 7 times this summer – on Monday nights from 7-8 pm and the first one is FREE.

* See  my flyer under NEW CLASSES or call me at 253-941-2124.

I accept that stress is a part of our lives and, at the same time, I can learn to minimize it and respond differently to it:  I often “wear stress as a coat” and take it off as soon as I can instead of taking it in–internalizing it–and making it “mine”.  I didn’t always know how to do this.  Stress used to do a number on me ! Thank you, Dr Bernie Siegel for teaching me a better and different way to think and act !

Your body is stressed because your mind is stressed.  Your body does only what it is told…by your mind.  When your mind is focused on the stress, then your body has to follow the dictates of the mind.  Your body is not in charge–your mind is.  The subconsious part of the mind really has the control switch.  What we think, say and do is very important because the body will just go along.

We live in stressful environments–at work, home and in our society, but we can thrive and be well-adjusted if we know how to cope and deal with these stressors.  Our mind can be taught how to be in control of these stressors.  How important is our mind in the healing of our body?  On a scale of 1 to 10 –it is a 10!

PS:  Our mind is not our brain–our mind is in every cell of our body !   (More to come on this controversial subject)

Going the distance from upset to joy is something to be  practiced (training yourself to get better and better as you practice).  You need:  (1) the awareness when you are getting upset and beginning to react to someone  or something; (2) realize that you have had many upsets in your lifetime and most have worked out…resolved later…and this upset, too, shall pass.  You really don’t want to waste any valuable time being unhappy, do you? (3) Know that when you have scattered or negative energy, no one wants to be around you (you don’t want to be around you!) so you need to change to positive energy.  (4)  Teach yourself to breathe in a beautiful color very slowly and deeply until your chest and stomache are relaxed.  You will be surprised that a smile is (almost) on your face and when you think of something or someone you love…and 3 minutes later…it is there: Joy.

(1)  Change or REFRAME your view of the tax task: divide into smaller pieces of work…spread out over longer periods of time…and have small rewards along the way with a big reward at the conclusion.  Quit thinking or saying “I HATE” ..(paying bills, working on my taxes, keeping records, etc).. You are what you think and if you can be more positive about negative tasks you will have a more positive experience along the way with a better result….even when you work on your taxes !

(2)  Divide your tasks (taxes, bills, organizing your office, etc.) into two categories:    BORING    (You can work on this and watch  two or three movies..thus enjoying yourself while you do the no-brainer tasks) and IMPORTANT NO INTERRUPTION I NEED TO THINK time (soft music in the background with your focus on your task at hand.) Suggestion:  Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance with whatever you are doing…if you are getting frustrated, stop and/or ask for help…or come back to it later.

(3)  Be grateful about the little things, as well as the big ones, as we tend to focus on WHAT  IS GOING WRONG OR WHAT IS NOT RIGHT IN OUR LIFE (thus becoming a victim and thinking “this will never work” or “I never get the breaks other people get”)…a lot of people are looking around and thinking most people are better off than we are….not true…check out what you have and focus on WHAT IS RIGHT !

These 3 sugggestions are simple solutions but they work…I won’t say it will be easy to do every day..throughout the day…but try it, you may like it and you may find, at the end of the tax season, you have a smile on your face…now treat yourself to a big reward (a trip to the ocean???). YES !

I am writing this  at the beginning of 2010 because I realize that I had too many “blurs” in my life as I think back on it. I just don’t remember  consciously, however, since my subconscious remembers everything and never sleeps, it is still inside somewhere.  I don’t want the rest of my life to be a blur so I realize I have to be more consciously aware of what I am thinking, saying and doing.

Several months ago I made a decision never to hurry.  I am an active person but I don’t need to rush or hurry anywhere because if I do …it means I am wanting to rush past this present moment–not giving any importance to it–and hurrying into the next (more important moment ?). I don’t want to live my life that way….so…

This is how I have helped myself NOT hurry through my busy life: (1) I enjoy the feeling of being early rather than late so I think myself 30 minutes ahead of the deadline. (2)  I watch how I am breathing and deliberately take 4 or 5 slow, deep breaths and watch to see what color is in front of my eyes…black, brown or grey are stress colors. (3) I started by playing a game …now it isn’t a game but a part of my reality to listen and notice as much as I can–only taking in what I want to remember and filtering out the rest. (4) I am journaling or writing every day to preserve those special moments that we think we will always remember but we find they become part of the blur when the good, bad and ugly gets mixed in with it.(5) I meditate..I don’t even have to close my eyes every time…just clear and clean and check what it is I am thinking.

May you have a peaceful, interesting, fulfilling, eventful, challenging, beautiful, inspiring, and meaningful life without rushing or hurrying through it.  Savor it…it is too short as it is.

Here are some examples of common drains:  a negative attitude, those who are “gloom and doomers”(“it will never work”}, petty/frivolous chatter, interruptions, long tedious hours, traffic, overwhelm and pressure, deadlines, an unhappy relationship, clutter, disorganization, indecision, arguing, electronic/computer problems, etc.

Now that “drains” have been identified in your life, replace them..whenever you can…with an “energizer“.  In fact, fill your days with energizers whenever you can. Your awareness of what you want will help you do this.  Here are your energizing replacements:

laughter, more laughter…find humor in life without making fun of people…loving people instead of hating them or being indifferent to them, “drink in” fresh air, take slow deep breaths when you are stressed, a  good night sleep, good homemade food, soft music, good friends, nice surprises, gardening, early morning silence with your coffee or tea, exercise, meditation and (last but not least) a vacation.

The secret is in your awareness of when the drains have crept into your life and what energizer you choose to have instead of the drain.

Roberta Macdonald

(2) We often “unintentionally set up” our stress whenever we are running late, when we forget to make an important phone call, when we worry, when we find that we haven’t adequately prepared for a meeting.  I find that there is much stress in relationships when there is a lack of communication (meeting time, place detail not clear or not discussed).  A big “setup” is when we need sleep, food, feel overwhelmed, or are off balance with work/home/social, etc.  We tend to do these stressful things to ourselves over and over and often blame others when we are unconsciously setting ourselves up to be stressed. We need to give ourselves time, at the start of each day or at night in preparing for the next day, to have a plan and to think of important details that we may not remember or think of when we are stressed.  Remember, our Mind  does not function well when it has Blocked Energy (fearful), Scattered Energy (stressed, confused, overwhelmed) or Negative Energy (irritated, frustrated, resentful, bitter, angry).  It only functions well when it has Positive Energy, is at peace and feels good (even if it is in the moment).

(3) Our Mind (subconscious) loves to create and remembers everything we have ever seen, heard, and experienced.  It loves to imagine and focus on what is real and important.  A stressful Mind can’t do any of these as it is too wrapped up in problems:  problems are like thick rope, wrapped all around you–tying you up and creating a helpless, hopeless view of life–you and your problems are, reluctantly, one.  However, our Mind wants to resolve these problems – - not get wrapped up in them.  Our Mind is creative and imaginative and wise if we will allow it to be free of the problems in order to cope and deal with them in a healthy way.  Our Mind wants freedom and resolution.  In order for this to happen, we need to step back and be the “observer”.  When we learn how to put stressors (problems) outside of ourselves instead of taking them in and making them all about us, we are able to think and act in a clear, less reactive, less stressful manner.  We are teaching ourselves how to be less stressed–even in stressful situations. “The person who is the least anxious has the most influence in any situation”. (Edwin Friedman)  Make a decision to learn, practice, and have a less stressful Mind/body for 2010 and for the rest of your life..and may it be a long, fulfilling one!

Roberta Macdonald

     (1) saving for the purchase–I may have to put some money aside. (2) buying the gift–finding what I like and what I think others would like. (3) wrapping the gift and writing something special on the card. (4) giving the gift and watching the expression of joy and surprise.

To me, these are the 4 Joys I get.  My question is:  When we focus on what we want for ourselves (for Christmas, birthday) we miss these 4 Joys.

Let’s teach each other not to expect so much from others and give more of ourselves.  Let’s work on more random giving and more appreciation when we are the receiver of a gift.

So, what did you get for Christmas?  A lot of joy and some nice surprises—I hope.