Stuck Inside with my Heart Outside

Stuck Inside with my Heart Outside

Stuck Inside with My Heart Outside

So…….I:

  • Look out my windows a lot !
  •  Act responsibly
  • Think Good thoughts
  • REread special books
  • REwatch favorite DVDs (“Pay It Forward” and “Seven Pounds”)
  • RElearn how to cook
  • REconnect with family and friends
  • Memorize words to songs I used to sing
  • Sing
  • Delete emails
  • Clean cupboards and closets
    (Notice it is LAST on my list!)

….Some ideas….please share yours.

What are you seeing outside your window?
Are you able to get outside?

Love,
Roberta

Steps for Building Community

Steps for Building Community

 Creating a Caring Community for You and your child

Parents:  If you belong to a group, an organization, a business, a church or if you live in an apartment complex you may need to help your children adjust and adapt to a group setting. 

Here are 10 good ideas for you and your children:  

  • Start with a Smile: A smile changes our face.  It is a welcome gift we may not know we are giving to a friend or a stranger. Without our smile we may give the impression that we are mad at them or don’t like them.
  • Always be willing to make new friends: Old friends are wonderful but don’t be reluctant to add new friends. We can never have enough good friends and we may cheat ourselves and others by limiting ourselves.
  • Set Boundaries: We need to know that it is always good to set boundaries. Some of our boundaries may be:  No uninvited guests, No late night calls or texts, No negative people in our friend circle.
  • Help: Do you see anyone lost or new?  Help them out. It may only take a few minutes but it is remembered and appreciated when we are helpful.
  • I missed you: Has someone just returned from a trip, was sick, or in the hospital?  We need to tell them that you missed them. It is such a great feeling when we know that someone missed us.
  • Enjoy the Diversity: We are all different in so many ways. We are a mix of cultures and backgrounds. It is a wonderful adventure to be introduced to these differences and find the common threads we all have.
  • Share only the GOOD stuff: We may tend to gossip or pass rumors around in small communities.  The angels of our Higher nature would have us share only the good about the person and keep the not so good to ourselves.
  • Join in the dialogue: Listen and share. No monologues or long, sad stories from the past. It is fun to hear from everyone and great to share what we want to say. Be the one who, not only shares, but listens to others.
  • New Activities: We may be afraid to try something new. We need to be willing to risk learning how to play: ping pong, Pinochle, bowling, Chess, Cribbage, Uno, art, knitting, watch a game of football, baseball, or soccer.
  • Be ready to laugh: We need to be able to laugh at ourselves. It is good to be ready to laugh and have a good time whenever we can. We need to show that one of our main attributes is that we have a sense of humor and we enjoy connecting with others who share that attribute.

These are a few ways to build a caring community. So often today it is easier to put in the ear buds and get involved on our ever present phones.

I challenge you to step out of that phone ‘comfort zone’ and begin a conversation with someone new. Tell me in the comments below what your favorite way is to “Break the Ice”. Did you discover another person who was happy to chat with you?

A recent podcast episode on Hidden Brain with Shankar Vedantam dealt with the issue of loneliness for boys and men. I believe this extends to all of us especially when the phone distraction is involved.

https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510308/hidden-brain
Shankar Vedantam uses science and storytelling to reveal the unconscious patterns that drive human behavior, shape our choices and direct our relationships.

As always, email me with any questions.  Roberta@RobertaMacdonald.com
Would you like to tell me your story and get some additional help? 

Roberta

I will be hosting two courses on-line in the near future.
A Calming Down, Life Management Course and A Parenting course.
To make sure you don’t miss either of them – Sign up to receive my email updates.  Contact Me
Be among the first to learn of the opportunity! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do You Have a Controller in Your Life?

Do You Have a Controller in Your Life?

For over forty years I have helped teens and adults in relationship building. I have four truisms I’ve discovered over the years in my work that I want to share these with you today.

 Truism #1:  It takes around three years to really get to know someone. Some people may take decades.

For instance, you may marry the sweetest, most loving person and find that she or he is a controller and expects you to take a supportive role.  If you do, it works, or seems to work…for a while.

I know someone who recently said that she has allowed others to control her all of her life, and she has no idea what she wants or believes.
She is numb to her own feelings and has no idea how to be self-aware. She is 73 years old and, she has been a supporter to others all of her life.

Truism #2:  Control may have many different faces and may even be in the guise of subtle manipulation.

You may not recognize that you are being controlled or manipulated, yet if you don’t feel good about yourself and your relationship…that may give you a clue that control is happening.  Some examples of this could be:

“I just don’t understand why you went this way and not ….”

“Why did you say that?”

“I don’t know why you like to read before going to bed…I don’t.”

“Why didn’t you do what I suggested (told you to do)?”

Truism #3:  Control isn’t love no matter how many times the word is used or how many gifts are given.

Many times I hear: “But he loves me!”  Really?  How does he show it…or not show it? You need to go beyond his/her words and pay attention to actions.

Truism #4:  The controller expects and wants you to be more like him or her and wants you to change.

It is probably true what they say:  “opposites attract”.  What they don’t say is that they will spend the rest of their life trying to change the other person into whom they want.

I have someone very dear to me who has never been able to say no to his wife and who changed from a sweet, innocent young man into a bitter and resentful older man.  He is still with her.

Control, not love, and allowing the control are the culprits.  When you are the one being controlled, it’s often impossible to see that you are allowing the control to happen.

My main point in this post is:

I don’t believe we have a right to control anyone else in our world.

We also have a right not to be controlled.  Learning how not to step into the “controller trap” is an intricate dance and that will be another post.

Based on my four Truisms about control, I have three suggestions for both the younger and more mature generations. Hopefully, you won’t fall into as many “controller traps” as I did on my way to understanding these truisms.

Suggestions:

(1)   Be aware of the subtleties of controlling and manipulative people

(2)   Set good boundaries and teach others how to treat you

(3)   Be assertive—not aggressive or nonassertive….this may take a little work on your part.

Do watch out for those whose message is
I want you to be the way I want you to be, AND I want you to accept me just the way I am.

 

As always, email me with any questions.  Roberta@RobertaMacdonald.com
Do you have a controller in your life? Would you like to tell me your story and get some help? 

Roberta

I will be hosting two courses on-line in the near future. A Calming Down, Life Management Course and A Parenting course.
To make sure you don’t miss either of them – Sign up to receive my email updates.  Contact Me
Be among the first to learn of the opportunity! 

 

Save Our Words!

Save Our Words!

I’m addicted.  I am addicted to words.

Words need to be true and convey meaning.  I believe we should expand these words into good sentences, paragraphs and books. We need to keep adding to our words so that our vocabularies continue to grow.

My concern is:  I believe we are losing our words.

Our language is diminishing.  Words are silently being erased and replaced with selfies, emojis, strange spellings, and incorrect grammar. Our conversations are short and texts and tweets have taken the place of dialogues.  We have become a reactive society where honest, meaningful dialogues are rare.  Often, instead of a dialogue, monologues happen where one person dominates the space with many “ME” stories. Then it’s the second person’s turn. Also, instead of meaningful dialog there is too much unimportant chit chat using frivolous and filler words. “Any old word will do” is the norm to fill any empty space in the conversation.

Do we use the same words over and over again?

Do we ever look up words in the dictionary or find alternative words in the thesaurus?

Do we put any effort into learning new words?

Are we too busy to realize that our words are dying and they need to be saved?

Research

How many of us had to write research papers in high school and college using many sources, such as the encyclopedia, to help us with the details. Doing research is a skill set that, hopefully, is not lost on our youth and those of us who enjoy searching for answers.

What may be lost forever is cursive handwriting.  I do not agree that a printed signature is a signature.  I believe children should be taught to print and to write in cursive.

Babies are usually eager to talk especially if we talk to them. They babble at first not knowing how to say words. We need to use real words rather than baby talk back to them.  How can they learn our words if we don’t dialogue with them?  They will pick it up.  Parents need to encourage their children to read by reading to them and with them.  It is so important to have real conversations with them.

We need to help them appreciate intelligence.  No one should ever stop learning and expanding their intelligence.

Words are not as sacred as I remember in the past. There are too many lies and exaggerations and half-truths. What we say should be important. In the past a man’s word was sacrosanct.  If it was stated, along with a handshake, it was an honest bond. Having integrity was an important value in our society.

This is a cry for help before we take any more steps backwards.

I know that we have freedom of speech and can speak rudely and crudely but I think swear words can be crutches, falling back on the same favorite swear word of choice instead of using creative language that conveys the same message. My father, who was a newspaper man, and also loved good language, said to me, after hearing me say a swear word: “Don’t you think you can choose a better word?”  My father was a very good role model. He never lied or said anything that he would later regret. He was, also, very humble and full of interesting, humorous stories. He was a good listener as well. He loved learning and died a happy man at 86. His was a life well lived.

I remember sitting on the front porch in the double swing and having great conversations when I was a teenager. It was a gathering place. I remember eating dinner around our large round table and dialoging, talking and listening to my parents and siblings. There were no phones calls or interruptions. That was dinner time. We have lost dialoging about interesting and meaningful subjects. We need to listen to different points of views and feel free to state our own.

Can we bring back the best of what we lost in our past and add it to the best we have in our present life so that we can move and expand into a better world?

This is a cry for help. 

Help me save our words.

 

Roberta Macdonald, a speech I gave to Sunuppers,  Advanced Toastmaster Club, and was asked to share.

August 14, 2019

Sunuppers.club – Come join us sometime!

Use Your Words

Use Your Words

Use Your Words

Parents:  Encourage your young children to “Use your words”!

A very young child who can’t talk babbles. The child is trying to talk. It is my firm belief we need to talk back with real, understandable words. We may not know how much they comprehend yet we need to talk as if they understand what we are saying.

Your little ones are probably frustrated that he or she cannot be understood. When you talk back with them, they learn quickly.

A wise parent will encourage the babbling and talk back with real words so that the child will hear them and sooner or later use them

Have you seen the entertaining videos where children are engaging in a conversation by babbling with intonations and even hand gestures? They are adorable, entertaining and provide an endearing response from others.

I would like to take this deeper and give you the reasons why I encourage you to take it a step farther and begin using real words when they are “talking” to you. 


5 Reasons why words are so important:

  1. Your children need to be heard and understood at an early age;
  2. They need to learn how to dialogue, to question and to be given options so they can learn how to make good decisions;
  3. Your children will soon start talking and learning words. They will go to preschool, kindergarten, elementary school, junior and high school and advanced learning. They will expand their vocabularies.  And then what?  How important will words and learning be later? Will they engage in meaningful conversations? Will they have critical minds? Will they read books and comprehend them?
  4. Children need to know that words, spelling, grammar, complete sentences and critical thinking are very important to advancing our language and our culture. If we don’t respect our language and its history we will lose it.
  5. We want our children to be intelligent. We want them to never stop   Our language is not meant to be minimized, tainted, or altered by shortcuts and one word answers. Our language needs to be expanded!

Parents:  Challenge your children:

  • Learn a new word every day; Dialogue with them every day;
  • Read every day. Teach your children why we need to learn;
  • Help your children to use not lose their words. Help Save Our Words!
  • Talk with your baby!

Below are three videos I want to share with you!
Two are humorous, one is quite informative.
Please share others that you find with me in the Facebook Parent Success Group!

A Ted Talk with Dr. Fitzpatrick

Dr. Brenda Fitzgerald is leveraging the simple practice of talking to babies and toddlers to nourish their brains and set them up for better performance in school and life.

Roberta

I will be hosting an on-line parenting course in the near future. To make sure you don’t miss it – Sign up to receive my email updates.  Contact Me

As always, email me with any questions.  Roberta@RobertaMacdonald.com